Mortal Musical Instruments
by olivia d'trumpet
Summary: Have you ever wondered what would happen if the mortal instruments crew and marching band collided? Well so have I, and I have written a story for it. So enjoy my lovelies
1. Chapter 1

Jace: trumpet cuz he's arrogant, loud and aggressive

Raphael: trombone he's just creepy

Magnus: color guard since he's all glittery and stuff

Alec: baritone they're quiet but effective when they want to be

Simon: clarinet they happen to have the most intricate parts to play and I've found that people who march clarinet tend to be sarcastic and nerdy.

Isabelle: mellaphone Isabelle is just that awesome. Mellaphones happen to be the most in time section even though they can't see the drum majors. Plus those things weigh a ton.

Clary: flute she is a bloodthirsty awkward penguin who is secretly a Sith Lord. Flutes have described their sections to me this way.

Maia: sousaphone Maia is tuff (tip of the hat to the Outsiders) and sousaphone is the heaviest instrument

Eric: drum line he's a mess and so are most drum line people.

Jordan: saxophone he's ever so slightly annoying but also extremely loyal.

Drum Majors: Luke, Jocelyn, and JT

Band Directors: Darth Merrell and Mr. Erskin

Weapons (in this case instrument) specialists: Hodge, Mr. Trimmer, and Mr. Shriekio

OCs: Brea, Kathryn, Lauren, JT, Nick(s), yours truly, any other people that might randomly show up, and the Band Directors.

I own nothing except for the plot and crazy stuff. Warning: all human but still basic personality which I tried to match up to each section.

Ah, Marching Band, that gathering of unathletic kids whose hormones act up all the time. Marching band is for the nerdy, the weak, and the people who are so bored out of their minds that they have nothing better to do than to stay outside all day in the sweltering heat, and play their instruments on black pavement. In short Band people are nerds, geeks, intellectuals who have no social skills or life. And to you my good sir or m'am, I say that assumption is WRONG!

We train for three weeks before school starts to produce a quality show that is exciting and makes you want to run to your mommy and weep because you will never be that awesome. Heck we practice more than the football team, and most of us still have good grades. For those of you who say

"Pshaw they are all fat and slow moving. All they have to do is walk in different directions while spinning flags and playing instruments. That can't be hard what so ever."

How can we be out of shape if our band directors make us march at 180 for the first part of a show? For those of you not familiar with the terminology, 180 is two steps per second. That's faster than some of you who sneer at us will ever move in your entire lives. So there goes that theory, and now on to the story of the Mortal Instruments Marching band who has a show so intense that they won BOA Atlanta over Tarpon Springs. But the journey was long and arduous, filled with freshmen and diving student teachers; and maybe a few landing planes and Nazis. One never knows.


	2. Band Camp: Day 1

_AN: to tehlittlehoff im sorry that you felt i had insulted your section. however most of my friends in colorguard believe there is no such thing as too much glitter. and Magnus is very powerful soooo.. yaa. anyway please enjoy this next chapter my other readers and please review if you find the story funny or if you have any ideas for awkward situations to put the characters in. oh and Cassandra Clare owns everything but my brain_

Band camp Day 1: Jace looked at the trumpet line before him and shook his head in disgust. Freshmen, ugh. That meant training and copious amounts of time making sure the trumpets were never ten degrees below parallel.

He called Brea to him, "So who all do we have?"

She responded, "Three juniors, five seniors, seven sophomores, and ten freshmen

Jace rubbed his hands together, "Fresh meat huh? We are going to have some fun with them first. Scare them a little to keep them in line; I'm thinking horror stories would be effective. Oh and Brea?"

"Yeah?" she turned at the door.

"Make sure the veterans know to play along."

Now over to the flute section to see what's happening over here. Clary was examining her section with a beatific smile and a plan to rule her section with an iron fist.

"Now my lovelies that we are alone, we can get down to business. Now as you all know, we as flutes must keep up the deception that we are prissy, weak, and need somebody to direct us. However that is the biggest lie you will ever hear. Our flutes actually turn into light sabers and thus we will take over the world." But before Clary could say she was exaggerating on the last part, a freshman raised her hand.

"Um m'am light sabers don't exist."

"Freshie what's your name?"

"Erm my name is Laura.'

"Well Laura light sabers do not exist, but you do not need to question my authority," Clary snapped at the timid flute. Laura cowered back in fear and said nothing more that day.

A flute came up and whispered into the supreme leader's ear. Clary looked at her sharply. She sighed at this missed opportunity to snap at freshmen.

"Flutes, huddle up!" she yelled. They came to her quickly for the debriefing.

"Okay the band directors want all the sections to come out onto the field for the first marching lesson. Now remember to act wimpy and don't blow our cover."

"M'am yes m'am," they chorused back and then started to walk out to the practice field.


	3. the Band Directors

As the entire marching band filed out to the field, Mr. Erskin was preparing for flash mob warm ups while Darth Merrell was preparing for the commitment speech.

"You have committed to the commitment that you have signed up to commit to. So now commit to the commitment of marching band that you have committed to in past years. Remember COMMITT." Darth Merell smiled contentedly, pleased that he had topped last years commitment speech, he paced around his office for a moment and then he went outside to join his co band director.

The band was already out stretching and waiting for music to flash mob to. Suddenly "Call Me Maybe" was playing and the whole band suppressed a groan. Mr. Erskin looked entirely too happy as he put on his mic and yelled out, "Alright, alright, alright, who's ready for band camp?"

The kids let out a weak cheer. Mr. Erskin shook his head and tried again.

"Who's ready for band camp?" he yelled louder. This time he got a resounding roar.

"That's more like it," Mr. Erskin grinned. "Now follow my movements." Mr. Erskin moved sideways to the right first and then to the left. The entire band copied their supreme leader, otherwise known as their band director. "Okay band this is home base and we will return to it after we are done with a particular warm up." The band shuffled back and forth for a few moments. "Okay we are going to start kicking boxing, and this will help you when you start fighting ninjas. So get into a ready position with your right foot in front left in back. Good, now we punch with our right fist and this will be front, left will be called back. Next we squat, then we pull our right knees across our body and afterward we kick with the left. Has everybody got it?"

The band mumbled its debatable readiness and off went the exercising band members.  
"Front," Mr. Erskin commanded and the band members punched with their right fists. "Back," they repeated the motion with the left fist.

"Squat," and the teenagers bent their knees.

"Knee," and the band's right knees went up.  
"Kick," Mr. Erskin said finally. He smiled at the total control he had over the teenagers.

"Faster this time. Front, back, squat, knee kick. Front, back, squat, knee kick." And on and on the process went until Mr. Erskin decided that the band had had enough.

One trumpet, who happened to be named Olivia, was apologizing to another trumpet.

"I'm so sorry Nick for nearly kicking you in the head, there's just so little room…" her voice trailed off into silence. Nick just gave her a disgusted look and said, "It's alright." He then walked off leaving the sheepish Olivia in the band parking lot. She then went to join her friends behind the trailer.

**Next time: brass, flumpets and…Nazi airplanes?**

_As always I don't own the mortal instruments, Cassandra Clare does. I also don't own the annoyingly catchy song "Call Me Maybe", the commitment speech, or the kick boxing workout however I do recommend that you try it, it's really effective._ _Any and all events or people that have any resemblance to real life, is purely coincidental. Thanks to my one follower Softballchick101 for inspiring me to keep up with the story. As always please review and leave your opinion. If you think that the story needs something please tell me._


	4. the Water Break

**The water break**

As Alec was getting his water jug filled, he happened to overhear a snippet of conversation that concerned him and a certain color guard captain.

"I heard that they were gay…together." The two girls talking to each other giggled at this amazingly clever quip.

"Who was gay together?" Allie asked Kathryn. Kathryn looked around surreptitiously as if to make sure that no one was listening. Of course all that looking around was pointless, seeing as Alec still heard them.

"Alec Lightwood and…..Magnus Bane!"

Alec blushed a deep red and quickly moved to join his sister who was deeply engaged in conversation.

"Look, I just think that it could happen," Isabelle argued.

"What could happen?" Alec asked when he joined the group.

"It is possible that an airplane could land on our practice field, right?"

"Izzy that is the most ridiculous notion I have ever heard. What have you been smoking?" Alec asked perplexed and annoyed at his younger sister. But then he remembered that she was only a mellaphone after all. (A/N: this is not a prejudice of mine some of my closest are mellaphones. However the line was added for the humor of the story)

Suddenly a Nazi air strike appeared out of the sky and started to fire at the band field. Then the band director tower changed into a weapon at the touch of a button, complete with machine guns for every level, and all the instructors gathered to the tower to man the guns. The students of course knew how to handle the situation, training for that sort of possibility during practices. All the students pushed small buttons on their equipment, and they suddenly turned into weapons of mass destruction. The flutes actually did turn into lightsabers, much to the amazement of a baffled Laura. They used their Sith powers for good and jumped onto the planes to take them down. The trumpets turned into blasters, and Jace started to yell at his section as soon as the instruments were guns.

"Trumpets, let's move, move, move. You do not want the flutes to show us up. Besides this is not a drill, it is enemy fire."

"Permission to fire at will, sir?" Brea asked him.

"Permission to fire at will, granted. And trumpets?" the whole section turned to look at him. "Unleash hell."

The color guard ran to the trees and used them for coverage so as to become snipers. The band cheered. Magnus Bane turned to his guard.  
"Let's show those Nazi's that glitter is not the only thing that's permanent." His section gave him beatific smiles.

The saxophones turned into bazookas, the bass clarinets became bombs, the clarinets became grenades, and the drum line made the trailer into a tank. The tubas turned into battle droids, the mellaphones/baritones turned into flamethrowers, which came in handy, since Nazis were starting to parachute out of the planes, and finally the trombones turned into missile launchers. After much chaos and mayhem, the band won the day and were rewarded medals by the united states government for honor and bravery. Oh my gosh I can't believe you just bought that story. None of that happened that actually was the conversation that Isabelle was trying to convince Alec could possibly happen. Alec burst out into laughter at his sister's strangeness and finally drank his water. Two minutes later the band was called out to the field.

_Hey guys, I just wanted to thank PoeticPerson, Sunburst25, and Softballchick101 for following or favoriting me respectively. Also a big thanks goes out to my friend Allie for reviewing and laughingat the story. Please guys take a cue from her and start telling me what you think. I do not own the TMI characters, star wars, instruments that turn into weapons, or Nazi airplanes. If I did I could rule the world. Sadly I don't so I shan't even attempt it. _

_Give a hug to your favorite trumpet tomorrow,_

_Olivia _


	5. Jace's Freshmen Fanclub

**Jace's Freshman Fan club**

A couple of week's later, school started. And of course Clary, Jace, Alec, Magnus, Isabelle, Jordan, Maia, and Simon were stoked that this was the last first day of high school. However Clary and Jace did not count on the hordes of freshmen girls who would try to swarm into the band room to get to him. They happened to see him and immediately fell in lust. Jace quickly ran into the band room, knowing it was the only safe place for him, since non-band members were not allowed to enter the sacred hall. The girls were banging on the doors in an attempt to break down the doors.

"Jace, how are you even going to get to class?" Clary said in a disgusted voice.

"Hey why are you mad at me? It's not my fault that I'm gorgeous." Jace protested.

Clary rolled her eyes at him. "No it's not, but it is your fault when you display that trumpet ego. You do realize that the meek inherit the earth right?"

Jace looked at her strangely. "It seems to me that we already had this discussion. I did not realize that you were so repetitive. Maybe I should find a more original girlfriend," he said teasingly. Clary smirked but said nothing. Jace bent his head to kiss her, and Clary reached up to meet him halfway. Suddenly Darth Merrell jumped in to save the day.

"PDA no way guys." He broke them apart suddenly. "And you two should set a better example for your sections," Darth Merrell chastised.

"Sorry, Darth Merrell," they mumbled in unison.

"Well I do it to make sure that you two don't have babies." He said firmly.

"EWWWW babies," Allie, Kathryn, Lauren, Amy, and Olivia chorused from across the room.

"How do they do that?" Jace shook his head in amazement.

"It's because they have spidey sense to the b-word. Therefore whenever a person says the synonym to infants, even if they're halfway across the school, they respond with that phrase," Clary explained. Then she looked slyly at Darth Merrell.

"Darth Merrell you do realize I won't get pregnant from a kiss right?"

"Nonsense. You can get pregnant if you show your ankles, tuck your pants into your boots, or show your knees."

"Um, Darth Merrell? You do realize that's not physically possible right?"

"Of course it is. Dr. Filly says it is."

"Who is Dr. Filly?" Clary asked confused

"Only the smartest, most Christian man alive." With that Darth Merrell went on his happy way to teach band class. Clary and Jace shrugged their shoulders, and somehow managed to navigate their way to class against the horde of zombie conquistadors that were freshmen girls.

_Okay first off I have nothing against Christians, the pregnancy joke was from my old school which has a really strict dress code policy for girls. Now onto thanking people. Thank you to the people reviewing and following me you really inspired me to write this chapter. If you have any jokes from you band that you want put in here, please tell them to me and I will do my best to put them in here. And thanks to PoeticPerson for giving me the fanclub idea. You guys should check out her story. She's really funny._

_Do you know why Waldo hides? Whoever knows the answer gets a shirtless Jace_

_ Love Olivia_


	6. I'm So Sorry!

**Authors Note**

_Okay, I have to admit I'm not dead nor am I in the middle of nowhere. My apologies for not updating sooner and for this not being a real chapter. The real chapter will be coming in a few days. I promised I wouldn't do this to people but…life happens. Anywho, keep strong the chapter will be coming soon._

_Give love to your favorite band nerd,_

_Olivia d"trumpet_

_p.s I'M MARCHING MELLOPHONE THIS YEAR!_


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